Self-Portrait

Putting up a profile picture of myself is akin to the calling forth of all my inner demons.  I scrutinized over it peoples - spending way too much time trying to decide how I wanted you to see me.  And, craziness, you probably don't really even care just so long as you can put a name to a face.  But I worried about it just the same.

Then, as I'm reading Tiffani's blog - which I love - and through a series of clicks, I happen upon a beautiful and confident self-portrait of herself which then takes me to her first self-portrait and the following caption:

In my entire flickr collection, there are only a handful of pictures of me. It's not that I'm the only one taking pictures, but truthfully? I crop myself out of them. When I see myself in pictures, there's a lot I don't like and not much I do. I think I'm getting a little too old for that kind of self doubt. I love the self portraits people take...confident, happy, accepting. So this year? It's my year.

No more cropping out. No more 'bad hair days'. Just me. It will be hard, but I want my kids to know how happy their mom was living this life with them.

I stared at my screen and read and reread her caption.  (The timliness of this find is fortuitous.) 

I want my kids to know how happy I am, too.  I want people to know that I was happy.   And confident, and accepting.  Because, I am trying to be those things.  Because, in general, I am.  I am.

Does that mean I'll change out my profile pic?  Probably not.  But it may mean that my eyes will be open in a few more family photos.  And that's a good thing.