Oh, the Drama

I used to romantically hope that I'd get to stay overnight at a hospital.  Something wonderfully tragic and terribly dramatic, like, say, appendicitis, would land me the opportunity to lay upon my death bed while family, friends, my unrequited love, . . . they would come to me, hold my hand, wipe my forehead, and tell me, that they loved me.  A scene from Anne of Green Gables, Little Women, and any number of other stories I may or may not have read but was familiar with.  My girlfriend and I in high school would secretly pine for the opportunity that would magically place us, still beautifully intact and without too much pain, on an overnight trip in the hospital.  We dreamed of this while flexing our legs' calf muscles and asking the other if we did not think they were shapely and cut.

My sister will also attest to the fact that I could and tended to be. . . dramatic.  "Like the time," she begins, "you sat on the bed and cried for no reason.  What was up with that?"  And, I wasn't crying for no reason.  I sat there happy and thought of reasons to cry - all the negative, woe-is-me I could dig up - and then I cried.  My mistake was to let her watch the process.  It seems a mite absurd of anyone to do it.  But I did.  And my sister seems to have remembered it, and the absurdity of the moment.

Good thing we all get a chance to grow-up.  Silly me for ever wanting an overnight stay at a hospital.  (After 4 overnight stays for having a baby, I actually opted to stay home with the fifth delivery.)  And, along with that, I try not to bring attention to my calves - they are not cut.

My ability to create reasons to be upset has only marginally matured though.  And if I need a reason to beat myself up for being a woman all I have to do is dwell on periods.  And bleeding.   And then I go to the Old Testament and validate my feeling of "less" and "unclean".  And that gets me thinking about labor and that men don't really get it.  And I wonder why I have to do it.  'Cuz I'm certain I didn't and wouldn't have chosen it.  Which sends me on a trip to place blame on somebody.  And I start to thinking that there had to be another way to get kids here and therefore God is punishing us because he put this burden upon us.  And that takes me to Eve.  And how relatively scott free Adam got off.  Which takes me to Drew and how he has no real clue as to what I suffer, having sacrificed my aspirations for societal greatness to be a mother of all these young children, and suffering my monthly ailments.  And then, if I've done my mental part well, my husband will come home from work, prance through the door with a lilt in his step and a smile on his face, having been lauded by his boss for good work and maybe even taken out to lunch.  He'll grab a bite to eat, change his clothes and zip away in the evening to serve merrily in his church calling, leaving me with kids - again - and alone to wallow in the muck I've created for myself.  And I get discouraged and upset and my thoughts spiral lower and lower until I wake up one day and "get over it". 

And that's how it's done, people.  In it's irrational entirety, that's how I do it.  Or how it would and used to have been done.

Oh, how much I've come to learn in the last few years.  What burdens I've begun to lay down.  What truths I've found.  If nothing else, I've come to accept that some of the things I think I understand, I've actually misunderstood.  That, and the whole process, is really quite absurd and too dramatic of me.



My period just ended.

In past lives, my periods were light, lasted 3-5 days, and occurred every 14 days.  One of the two I experienced each month had to have been break through bleeding but I couldn't say since there was never any difference in amount of blood loss, bloating, or emotions from one to the next. For a long time I thought I must have been ovulating that frequently. And actually, I can't say for sure that I wasn't. I do know that if I missed a "period", the next one would be severe in contrast. They would come hard and heavy, were physically and mentally exhausting and came accompanied by headaches.  I hate headaches.  (Listen to me complain, aye? My heart goes out to those of you who have them worse. God bless you.)

This is what I figure: if I'd lived in ancient Israel, I'd be deemed "unclean" for 7 days because of my "issue". Then, after my days of separation, I'd number another 7 days, and on the eighth day (or the 15th day - depending on how you count it) I'd take my sacrifice to the priest and be clean, just in time for my next period to start (or the break-through bleeding to commence) and I'm back to the red tent. If I was "lucky", I'd get a day or two of "clean" days in there. And on rare occasions, I'd get a longer break to gear up for the deluge to come.  (based on Leviticus 15.)

Instead, I groaned and moaned as I realized my period was back after a 13 month hiatus (from having Marie).  I went through dollars worth in tampons and pads, watched the clock and made a trip to the bathroom every two hours for the first 2 days, took Aleve for my headaches, slept, casually brushed my hand against my bottom every time I stood up to make sure there was no bloody show, experienced more than once that erroneous near-to-crying lump-in-the-throat without just cause, broke out in puberty's acne, and, lived to tell the story.   On the up-side, the bloating is over - til next time.


Simply Eve

The Qur'an
Surat Al-A'raf 7:10-18 (Sahih International)

7:10   And We have certainly established you upon the earth and made for you therein ways of livelihood.  Little are you grateful.
7:11  And We have certainly created you, [O Mankind], and given you [human] form.  Then We said to the angels, "Prostrate to Adam"; so they prostrated, except for Iblees.  He was not of those who prostrated.
7:12  [Allah] said, "What prevented you from prostrating when I commanded you?"  [Satan] said, "I am better than him.  You created me from fire and created him from clay."
7:13  [Allah] said, "Descend from Paradise, for it is not for you to be arrogant therein.  So get out; indeed, you are of the debased.
7:14  [Satan] said, "Reprieve me until the Day they are resurrected."
7:15  [Allah] said, "Indeed, you are of those reprieved."
7:16  [Satan] said, "Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them on Your straight path.
7:17  Then I will come to them from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their left, and You will not find most of them grateful [to You]."
7:18  [Allah] said, "Get out of Paradise, reproached and expelled.  Whoever follows you among them - I will surely fill Hell with you, all together."


Simply Eve

The Qur'an
Surat Al-Baqarah 2:32-38  (Sahih International)

2:32  They said, "Exalted are You; we have no knowledge except what You have taught us. Indeed, it is You who is the Knowing, the Wise."
2:33  He said, "O Adam, inform them of their names." And when he had informed them of their names, He said, "Did I not tell you that I know the unseen [aspects] of the heavens and the earth? And I know what you reveal and what you have concealed."
2:34  And [mention] when We said to the angels, "Prostrate before Adam"; so they prostrated, except for Iblees. He refused and was arrogant and became of the disbelievers.
2:35  And We said, "O Adam, dwell, you and your wife, in Paradise and eat therefrom in [ease and] abundance from wherever you will. But do not approach this tree, lest you be among the wrongdoers."
2:36  But Satan caused them to slip out of it and removed them from that [condition] in which they had been. And We said, "Go down, [all of you], as enemies to one another, and you will have upon the earth a place of settlement and provision for a time."
2:37  Then Adam received from his Lord [some] words, and He accepted his repentance. Indeed, it is He who is the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful.
2:38  We said, "Go down from it, all of you. And when guidance comes to you from Me, whoever follows My guidance - there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve.