900 years +

Not long ago, I found myself in the trenches of mothering.

Dru picked up a job contracting for a company 9 hours south of us. He'd drive down Sunday around noon, work for the week, then drive and be back by Friday, late afternoon. I had the option to move down there but made my choice to stay where I was at. Due to this choice, except for 40 of the 168 hours in a week, I found myself a single parent to 5 small children ages 9, 4 (two of them), 3, and 1. Oh, and then one on the way! (We discovered the latter not long after Dru started the commute.)

It was an amazing, hard year.

Dru was convinced this was his break - his chance to follow a dream and, if we stuck with it, a chance to strike it rich as well. The golden carrot was just beyond his reach but if we all persevered, he'd get it by and by. For me, there was no golden carrot, only days with kids and lonely, quiet nights. But, it wasn't impossible and I'll forever fondly refer to that year as "the year of the empowered mother".

Near the end of my pregnancy and having lived through 8 months of this lifestyle, my mother flew out to go to a conference for women with me. (She owed it to me to come. And that's what ya get for playing pass the unleavened bread at a passover meal.) =) One of the speaker's told about being ready to retire and being given the option to continue with his career with some tantalizing perks. He considered it and then said how he had turned the offer down, telling the people that his wife had lovingly supported and stood by him as he chased his dreams and now, it was her turn to chase her dreams.

And I bawled.

I bawled and bawled and bawled. And I tried to shake the tears and calm my shoulders but I didn't do too good a job of it.   I had been holding the fort down fairly well, managed to keep a cheerful attitude, and had tried to be so supportive of Dru and his chase for that carrot but, for as much as I tried, it was wearing me down.  I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I couldn't see when my time would come. 

And then I felt so selfish.  I was sitting next to a woman who had sacrificed a lot of her own dreams and ambitions to raise 8 children on a meager budget.  My mother made us feel like there was nowhere in the world she'd rather be than at home with us, day in and day out.  She supported my dad; continues to support him.  I love her for it!  For being there for us, for loving us.

It's easy to look back on life and not only think "whew, we made it" but also, "that wasn't very long after all" because in reality, a lot of life is really such a short time.  We can do it!  Good grief, if Adam lived to be over 900 years, and who knows how long Eve lived or how many times during her life she was in trenches, and if after all was said and done, she could still say it was worth it, then so can we.  Our time will come.  If not in this life then, certainly, in the next.