6 Months

I had Lil' Miss just shy of my twins turning 18 months.  This was done whilst my husband finished grad school, working under a professor who didn't believe in weekends and holidays, and believed less in families.  Then, just as soon as she was born, it seems I was packing up to move our family across the country.  Dru finished up his dissertation, defended, and days after Christmas, we loaded up a truck, hopped into our minivan, and drove to live with my parents 'til we could find a job.  

I don't remember being terribly unhappy or overwhelmed though.  But what a difference it made living with live-in help!  I went from having Dru home very little, to having him home all the time;  from me getting kids to bed by myself, to having my mom and dad and brother and sister helping out.    I know I went from stressed and constant, to still and calm.  The six months we lived with my parents are still some of the best times, for me. 

There was plenty of space for us all but we made a home of our own in a small 11X14 basement room.  Boy slept in a top bunk with the twins below him, Lil' Miss slept in a pack-n-play in the closet, and Dru and I shared a double bed.  And my mom would remind us that we could spread out, and laughed that we were keeping a child in the closet, but that was how I wanted it.  Not the kid in the closet per se, but all my family close and together. 

My little family would go upstairs to breakfast on the table and happiness and more family.  And Boy would go off to kindergarten where my mom worked and they'd get to wave to each other every day.  And in the afternoons, I'd leave Dru with the younger 3, and walk down the street to pick Boy up.  Then mom would get home and we'd talk about what to make for dinner and we'd all sit around the table to eat that dinner and I had many helping hands all the time.  Bedtime was play and then visiting.  And we had our hiccups, but mostly, it was good.

I remember this time because of the many times I felt joy.  I would be watching my children play together and the world and all it's elements would suddenly feel in balance and, right.  Everything around me would become vibrant and alive and I would be overwhelmed with love and gratitude and peace, all at once. 

And it's not to say that I hadn't felt that before but if I had, I don't remember it and I think the reason was was because I had no reason to remember it.  The contrast of going from grad school to living with my parents was stark enough that I noticed, and I've remembered.

I don't look at life in grad school as being awful - I actually have wonderful memories and fond feelings for the time spent there, but I do think that when life is glossy and without struggle, we don't notice it for what it is.  We can see it more clearly when we can compare it to the difficult.

Eve left a Garden, a garden that was supposedly perfect.  Then she took of the fruit and was sent out to be mortal and to experience mortality.  I think she looked back often but I also think she continued to look ahead.  She had become aware of what perfect was because she was tasting imperfection.  Now, she could truly feel joy and recognize it, and remember it.

I don't want my life to be difficult.  Heck, I'm a wuss when it comes to many things, but I do want to be aware of the joy and so I'll take life as it comes to me.